Judges 13:2-21

Manoah prayed to the Lord: “Teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born” (Judges 13:8). This is the earnest and often anxious prayer of every godly parent.

The boy was Samson, Israel’s prankish Hercules, who squandered his God-given strength. One wonders how often Manoah and his wife awakened in the dark, sleepless hours of the night and asked themselves, “Where did we go wrong?”

When our children make bad choices – when they abuse alcohol, do drugs, get pregnant out of wedlock, drop of school, turn their backs on God and family - we ask ourselves the same question. We blame ourselves and see our children as the tragic victims of our ineptitude.

There is, however, no absolute correlation between the ways we parent and the way our children turn out. Good parenting makes a difference, but it does not guarantee that the product of that parenting will be good.

We all are acquainted with families where neglect, violence, and substance abuse are the norm, yet the children turn out remarkably well. They have good friends; they do well in school; they hold good jobs; they end up in stable marriages, and they handle their own parental responsibilities with wisdom and love. And we all are familiar with families where the parents are warm, nurturing, kind, firm, wise, and giving – and yet there’s at least one prodigal in the family and sometimes more than one.

Despite our best efforts, our children may go wrong.

But, you say, what about the proverb: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” . (Proverbs 22:6)? That sounds very much like a guarantee.

We must remember, however, that the biblical proverbs are not promises, but premises – general rules or axioms. Proverbs 22:6 is a statement of general truth, much like our contemporary “As the twig is bent so the tree is inclined.” A proverb is a saying that sets forth a truth that is applicable in most cases, but there are always exceptions to the rule.

Why these exceptions? Because children are not mindless matters that we can shape at will. They are autonomous individuals who may, with the best of parenting, choose to go their own way. Even God, the perfect parent, has always had trouble with His children – Adam and Eve to name two (You and me to name two more).

If we believe that by applying certain techniques and rules we can secure godly behavior in our children, we may be in for bitter disillusionment and heartache. No one can determine nor can they predict what their offspring will do.

It was Joaquin Andujar, poet and pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, who said you can sum up baseball in one word: “You never know” . His word count was off, but he captured the essence of life as well as baseball.

Given that uncertainty, the question is not “How can I produce godly children?” but rather, “How can I be a godly parent?” The two questions may appear to be the same, but they’re not. The first has to do with result , over which we have no control; the second with process , over which we do, by God’s grace, have some measure of control.

If our focus is on process, then the questions are about us. How can I deal with my impatience, temper and rage, my selfishness, my resentment, my stubbornness, my defensiveness, my pride, my laziness, my unwillingness to listen? How can I deal with my addictions? How can I strengthen my marriage? How can I develop my parenting skills? How can I build bridges of grace, forgiveness, and acceptance that will make it possible for my prodigal to come home?

These are the matters that must occupy us as parents… and then we must leave the results with God.

Ruth Bell Graham expresses it well:

Lord, I will straighten all I can and you

Take over what we mothers cannot do.