A woman yearns to be someone special to her husband to feel loved and cherished. This explains why anniversaries are more important to her than they are to him and why she feels so frustrated when her husband forgets such courtesies. It also explains why a woman constantly “reaches” for her husband, not so much in a physical sense, but in an emotional way. She needs to connect with him, feel close to and intimate with him in ways that he may not fully understand.
One famous minister and family counselor has observed that a woman’s need for love and affection from her husband is so great that if she cannot achieve it one way, she will instinctively try another. If her efforts at communication are sabotaged by her husband’s silence, she has many alternatives at her disposal. She may become angry over an insignificant matter, or accusatory, or depressed.
In an almost frantic attempt to force any kind of communication, she will push any button on his control panel. When a man reaches overload and finally erupts with anger, a wife feels she has gotten some type of response. At a totally unconscious level this wife is saying: “I’d like first-class love from you. If I cannot have that, I’ll settle for attention. If I can’t get your attention, I’ll go for your sympathy. If that fails, I’ll get you where it hurts. I’ll have an accident or a symptom”
Many more women than men go to doctors for imaginary symptoms. It may cost a lot, but at least they have a male’s attention, if only for a few minutes. There are a lot of husbands out there who could save themselves a bundle of money by paying some notice to their attention-starved wives .
A woman’s need for romantic attention and affection might be compared to an empty 55-gallon barrel. A smart man begins filling her barrel first thing in the morning. Before getting out of bed he’ll wrap his arms around her and whisper sweet nothings (five gallons). During breakfast he compliments her on something (another five). Before hustling out the door he gives her a hug and kiss (five more). During a coffee break he phones to let her know he is thinking of her (another five).
At night when he comes in the door, before greeting the kids or petting the dog he gives her a warm hug, a genuine smile, and a kiss with some meaning (10 gallons). He compliments her on the evening meal (another five). Even though he chauffeurs the kids to and from a meeting, pays bills, and works on the computer he gives her 10 minutes of his undivided attention to talk about something important (15 gallons); and he caresses her lovingly as they pass in the hallway (five). When he crawls into bed that night he can rest assured that he has filled her emotional love barrel to the 55-gallons mark (without spending a dime!)
How long should 55 gallons of love and attention last? When she goes to sleep that night, her barrel springs a leak and drains empty. A smart man understands that her love barrel needs daily input in order to remain happy.