The late Dennis Guernsey tells in his book Thoroughly Blessed of a family dinner hour that changed his life. His wife had prepared pepper steak, his personal favorite. She placed the serving plate directly in front of him. He served himself the largest steak and then passed the serving dish on in his children. His eldest daughter asked, “Daddy, why do you always take the biggest piece?" He mumbled some type of response. After dinner, however, he went for a walk to sort through his jerk-prone habits and to ask himself why he served himself first and most.

The next evening he deliberately served his wife first with the best of everything. His children immediately noticed and wanted to be served also. He simply told them that Mom was his wife and deserved to be cared for first. He went on to explain that he hadn’t been doing a very good job but was planning to do better, beginning right away.

His wife, who had been in the kitchen during this exchange, rounded the corner and caught on to what was happening. The smile that lit her face could have illuminated the entire house. Someone was going to look after her.

It is easy for a woman to get to feeling more like an object than a person. Any husband can prevent this by making her feel special, cherished, and valued. Every day, he needs to do something that say “You are important to me” A woman needs this to be expressed in both words and actions.

Bill Havens was an Olympic-class champion who never made it to the Olympics. He had to make the decision whether to leave his pregnant wife and head for the Olympic Games or stay by his wife’s side and be present for the birth of his child. Bill was favored for a gold medal in canoeing, but he gave up the gold in favor of being with his wife for their baby’s birth. Although he never regretted the decision, he always wondered if he had made the right decision.

Thirty years later the nagging question was answered beyond the shadow of a doubt. His son sent a telegram from Helsinki, Finland, to say, “Dad: Thanks for waiting around for me to get born in 1924. I’m coming home with the gold medal you should have won”. Bill Havens never won the Olympic gold, but he’s always been a winner in the eyes of his wife. He placed his marriage and his wife’s need above his own personal goals.